Rant Thursdays: Katy Perry Should be Deported from California

Welcome to Rant Thursdays, where Maggy and I will just go off on something or someone that has been bugging us.

I hate Katy Perry. She annoys the crap out of me. I hate Katy Perry and I like it.

I think it stems from my deep rooted girl crush on Zooey Deschanel. Zooey Deschanel is my hair and fashion inspiration. She's funny and cute. I love her movies and music. I love HER. I want to be her.

Let's pause a moment to be in awe of Zooey Deschanel:





So when I first saw this annoying video for "I Kissed A Girl", and the singer had strikingly similar fair skin, big blue eyes, dark hair and bangs, I thought "Who does this Katy Perry chick think she is? She's clearly a poor man's Zooey D."

My annoyance for Katy Perry festered as time went on. She produces the worst kind of pop songs: they're all chorus and overplayed. The songs stick to your like like STDs in the Jersey Shore hot tub.

Note: As overplayed as it was, I don't totally hate "I Kissed A Girl". I like anything that challenges the public to open their minds about a little bi-curious experimentation (practice safe sex, people!).

But I waged an all-out war against Katy Perry upon her promotion of "California Gurls". I hadn't even heard the song, when I heard Katy Perry being interviewed about it. Before I even heard the song, I decided that I hate it.

Why? I'm paraphrasing (read the Rolling Stone interview here), but Katy Perry said she was in an LA club, and "Empire State of Mind" came on, and the crowd went wild. As they should have. I don't even like Jay-Z, but "Empire State of Mind" is a hot jam. But according to Katy Perry, "If 2Pac were here, he would not be okay with this! I felt like he was rolling in his grave!"

BLASPHEMY!

Honey, (and I mean that in the Teresa from Real Housewives of New Jersey to Danielle version of "Honey"), East Coast/West Coast feuds are so 90's. And Tupac was born in New York. You, however, are from Santa Barbara. Not exactly the mean streets of Inglewood (my mom used to live there).

Then I heard the song. I'm a West Coast girl myself, and I don't think we really say "Daisy Dukes." In fact, I'm pretty sure they don't even air The Dukes of Hazard on the politically correct Pacific Coast. Honey, your sugar-coated pop crap, although uber-catchy, doesn't hold a candle to "Empire State of Mind." And it isn't even on the radar of such epic songs as "California Girls" and "California Love."

The "California Gurls" video is ridiculous. I can't decide whether the video looks more like an acid trip or the dream of a munchie-craving stoner, but either way, drug references usually entertain me. But that's not the case with this video. Why? These pictures speak for themselves:

But who caught the live performance on MTV? Fast forward to about 2:47, when Snoop Dogg starts to rap. But don't watch Snoop, watch Katy Perry as she attempts to dance. It is painful. Honey, just stop. You can't dance. Or, if you want to dance, have Snoop stand in front of you. He's like 7 feet tall, so no one will see you.

But what I really wish for is for some giant California seagull to swoop down, pick Katy Perry up in its mouth, and take her out of California to somewhere far, far away.

In the meantime, we'll be rocking out to the awesome California Gurls parody:




And of course, the true California anthem:

--Itty Bitty